Today I Miss Home

The title of this post pretty much says it all. Today I truly miss home, my heart aches, and my soul feels torn. I have been away from Michigan and the eastern side of this country for over a year now and one would think that time would have healed my homesickness by now. But, alas, it hasn't. It hasn't even dulled it. It is true, I have found so many wonderful people here in Walla Walla and I have made a nice life for myself and my family. So many good things they could hardly be numbered...but the one thing all those good things aren't...Home!

When I think about all the times Linus won't have with his family back east it makes me cry. Literally. And when I think about the fact that we will never be inside the home we lived in when he was born, the home we brought him home to from the hospital, I cry. I loved that house!

I miss my family. I feel a need to be near them, but they are 2300 miles away. Much too far to even feel close when we talk on the phone. We live in separate worlds now, separated by such a vast expanse. I never knew how alone it would make me feel. My son doesn't know his grandparents. He's met them, yes. But he doesn't know them and I worry he never will. He will only know them through photographs, fun stories, talks on the phone and the one, maybe two times he sees them each year. He will not know his cousins, aunts, and uncles any more, more likely less. Our friends will just be stories to him, he might know one or two better than that. 

Essentially, the life we had is gone. Forever. And it feels like I have actually lost a person, my best friend. And the new life we have here is not bad, its just not the old life. And Linus will grow up in a whole different world than the one he entered into in July of 2009.

My heart is in pain today. I am sure I will move forward again and out of this little slump. But, for today, it is here. And I feel sad.