Practicing Hope And Joy

I know my friends are aware I have been a bit down in the dumps lately, a bit homesick (okay, a lot). But I am trying to be hopeful. I made my first steps back to hope and joy today. I took a good walk with my little guy this morning along Mill Creek's path. I tell ya, this little, not-even-two-years-old man is able to help me find the beauty of the world every single time I lose sight of it. There is hardly a way for me to stay down.

He's learned how to say cheese... :0)

It is a simply a matter of our little family is going through a lot right now. External sources of anxiety aside (which of course there are many), we are all three dealing with health issues and it has just taken a toll. Poor little Linus was finally diagnosed with asthma and allergies on June 1. We weren't really surprised, but so wished it wouldn't be true. He wakes every morning to a breathing treatment with a nebulizer and goes to bed every night with a dose of zyrtec. It sucks! But it has made him better and for that we are ever so thankful!!!

And Steve, oh my goodness has he been through the ringer with an awful pain in the side. It has existed for a year now and at present doctors are discussing performing an appendectomy. Actually, I will rephrase that...the doctors WANT to do an appendectomy, but Steve is caught up with the decision to allow it. It might be considered minor surgery (they can do it laparoscopically as an outpatient procedure), but all surgery is major!

And as for me, well I started having some issues a month and a half or two months ago and tests began...I didn't think much of it at first. Pretty sure the doctor thought it was all in my head and so I began to think it was all in my head. However, blood tests helped confirm something was going on inside this body of mine. My ANA screen (a blood test used to confirm Lupus and other autoimmune diseases) came back positive. With further testing, they found something that seemed to suggest I might have a disease called mixed connective tissue disease. If you have never heard of it before, don't worry, you aren't alone. Most haven't. It's rare. Lucky me!!! The disease is often a combination of several autoimmune diseases, most often lupus, scleroderma, and polymyositis. But it can also combine with other autoimmune diseases such as rheumatoid arthritis and Raynaud's phenomenon. It's an interesting disease with more facets than can be numbered. But, to be truthful, it is also scaring the crap out of me. Right now I am simply waiting for my appointment with the rheumatologist on August 1st, twiddling my thumbs, pretending I don't feel the pain or see weird spots on my skin or feel weakness in my legs so strong I almost topple over. Yes, just waiting.

So, this, friends and family, is why I am feeling a little down. This is why Steve is worn out. 

But, as I said, today we are practicing putting on a face of hope. Today we are smiling as though we have all the joy in the world. Because, in the end, even with all this, we do have all the joy in the world. We have Linus!!! He is our joy and our hope and our life. And it will forever amaze both Steve and I how a simple walk along a creek or a visit to the park can renew all our hope and joy!!!